The random ramblings of a slightly delusional redhead

hi!!

Tue, 11 Sep 2007 15:35:48 GMT

I'm all moved into my apartment. Kris and I keep talking about how it seems like longer than it has been, since we started dating it's been that way. It feels like it's been like this for so much longer than it has. I've only been in my apartment for two weeks.

On a different note, my mom called me today because Patience went to California. She's worried of course, you know how moms can be. I guess she's staying for a month. Now it's my job to get contact information for my mom so she doesn't have to worry like crazy. Although she probably will anyway.

Also, my sister Sara is going to have a baby girl. They're going to name her Aryanna Lynn. In case u didn't know Lynn is my middle name. So I'm pretty excited about that. On a related topic, Rachel is supposed to call me today to tell me what her baby is. I can't wait.

My dad's pretty sick. He's all jaundice again and nobody seems to know whats wrong with him. This is the second time this has happened so hopefully they can figure out whats wrong and prevent it from happening again. He had to apply for temporary disability because he missed too much work. I don't know what I'd do without him. He's the coolest guy I know. and he's my friend. I just want him to be ok.

so..im getting an apartment

Wed, 29 Aug 2007 02:33:12 GMT

I have to say, since the last time I posted any actual thoughts in here a lot has changed. I never thought I was going to get over Mike but it turns out it was a lot easier than I thought. I think it's really important for me to say this, if there's something you really want to do but you're afraid of how things will turn out, just take the chance. You don't know how long you get so you might as well try to enjoy yourself while you can. I'm not talking about drugs or anything like that..it could just be something simple. I just feel like everything I've gone through was worth it in the end, because I didn't walk away from the things I wanted from being scared. I may have been hurt a few times but thats just life, and I've known life was like this for a long time. That's how it was with Mike, I knew if I let go and let myself fall I might get hurt, but I wanted to experience it just the same. It did hurt, it hurt bad, but it was also the most feeling I've felt go through me at one time, and I think it's the most spectacular thing.

I don't just say this because of the situation with me and Mike though. With my current boyfriend, I've actually liked him as long as I've known CJ, I was always just too afraid of him hurting me or using me because I know how he used to be, I know how he treated Rachel..it wasn't very..gentlemenly(is that a word??oh who cares..)
But he told me he changed..and I gave him a chance, and he's the sweetest most gentle man I know.and I love him more and more every day.

aaanyway...I'm going to post a new journal when I have my phone turned on...if u cant wait im me i might be on sooner than i post a journal.

it's been awhile and I dont have much to say..so here's a survey.its a long one

Sun, 26 Aug 2007 02:58:11 GMT

105 Facts About You

1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT Ring?
nope
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
1 1/2 years......

3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
umm...i cant remember

4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
yes..sooo many times.and once i even dropped someone elses.

5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU WORKED OUT?
God... long time ago.a year or so ago

6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?gas.food.

7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
wendys

8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes,personality

9. ONE FAVORITE SONG?
well...since u specified one of my favorites is 'duck and run' by three doors down

10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
soon i live in endicott.

11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
southern nash senior high and owego free academy

12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
used to be net 10. now i dont have one.

13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
hot topic or spencers.spencers just for all the black light stuff and the pot leaf stuff

14. LONGEST JOB YOU HAD:
dunkin donuts in owego...a year.lol.

15. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
technically..it's a few of those ones with lots of sides. a clear one with one inside it and a blue one.

16. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?:
used to when i was like..8

17. LAST WEDDING YOU ATTENDED:
like i remember

18. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
id call rachel..then my dad.then everyone else.no offense guys!!

19. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIEND:
few months ago,she is awesome.and she has a baby in her tummy

20. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
Taco bell

21. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
i could never cheat on you.

23. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
anywhere.i love being around my friends

24. CAN YOU COOK?
um not really..not according to kris anyway..lol.

25. WHAT CAR DO YOU DRIVE?:
dont drive... Yet

26. BEST KISSER:
omg..well...i love kris to death...but the best kisser ive ever had is my ex mike

27. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
yesterday

28. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
lima beans. asparagus

29. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
my hair and my bootilicious behind..oo!and my freckles

30. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
i need to lose about thirty pounds..and i have a mole on my neck and one on my face and they grow hair..yea..its gross.

32. LONGEST SHIFT YOU HAVE WORKED AT A JOB?
12 hrs

33. FAVORITE MOVIE?
i cant pick one..i love movies..so ill just tell u a few i like.fight club.what dreams may come.benny and joone

34. CAN YOU SING?
Yes.sometimes

35. LAST CONCERT ATTENDED?
idk

36. LAST KISS?
today.i get lots of kristopher kisses

37. LAST MOVIE RENTED:
shyea...like i waste my money on renting things.

38.ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
keys.(even though right now they arent to anything,lol.)

39. FAVORITE vacation spot?:
i've never gone on a real vacation..ive had weekend trips to the beach..i loved those.so ill say the beach,outbanks NC

43. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
desktop

44. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
dane cook

45. DO YOU SMOKE?
no.cigarettes are nasty

46. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
without.

47. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?:
kris

48. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?:
nope

49. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BEEN PULLED OVER BY THE POLICE?
never.

50. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
pancakes with ice cream on top

51. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?:
yes

52 HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
scrambled, with ketchup

53. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?:
I guess

54. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?:
my sister

55. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
idk

56. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECEIVED?:
mike.

58. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
4

59. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
booty shorts and a tye dye

60. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC:
this world cannot bring me down no cause i am already here.im already here, down on my knees.im already here. i must have told you a thousand times im not runnin away

61. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?:
strawberry

62. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?:
not even maybe

63. CAN YOU SWIM?
Yes

64. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
grape.or death by chocolate

65. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
No.as a matter of fact i hate geography altogether.lol.

66. TELL ME A RANDOM FACT ABOUT YOURSELF:
I like the way tattoos feel when im getting them.

68. EVER ATTEND A THEME PARTY?:
nope

69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON ?:
Fall

70. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
myself.earlier.i swallowed my tongue ring at work

71. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
8.then 11.

72. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?:
big comfy sweaters arent too hot to wear

73. LAST TIME A COP GAVE YOU A TICKET?:
never

75. NAME OF YOUR FIRST PET?:
midnight

76. DO YOU THINK PIRATES ARE COOL OR OVERRATED?:
cool

77. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND??
this?working.next weekend?moving.

78. BIRTHDATE
feb 7th

79. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
a writer

85. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
No

87. ARE YOU SMILING?:
no

89. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW
kinda.even though hes just in the other room.i want more kisses.lol.

90. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
the beach.

92. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?:
No

93. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?:
i am dating him.

94. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME?
i like the name mareous.i also like the name reign bau

95. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
i dont have one right now

96. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
if i was still going it would

97. DID YOU GO ON VACATION LAST MONTH?:
no

98. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON A CRUISE?:
No

99. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER?:
Yes.i have two of them

100. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
No

101. ARE YOU IN LOVE?:
yes

102. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
Yes

103. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
Yes

104. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
nipple rings.lip ring.tongue ring.cartalage.

105. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
Sleep probably.

well...

Fri, 18 May 2007 17:25:55 GMT

It's been a while. I didn't really feel like writing in my journal because my thoughts are pretty depressing. It's just so tough to try and be happy when you know that the person you want to be with has given up on being with you.

I remember when I used to feel like I had goals. Now it seems like my only goal is to try and be nice to everyone when it feels like my world is falling apart. It really sucks because I got more hours so I could save money and now I have like...none left because I've been helping my dad out. I dont know...I havent even been able to write anything for the longest time...I've tried too...believe me I've tried.

I just cant get Mike off of my mind. Every where I go I think of something he said or something he did when we were in that place or I remember talking to him about a place. It sucks because I used to be so good at moving on and forgetting about the stuff that hurt me and now I just keep dwelling on it. I keep seeing his face and hearing his voice....I feel like im going to go insane. and he made me promise to leave him alone for a while because when we're around each other we end up kissing.

Today is my birthday!!!

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 18:58:41 GMT

I'm gonna spend the whole day with mike..and have fun. I'm already having a great day. And totally loving the fact that I have three days in a row off. Yea, that's right, I start sentences with the word 'and'; what are u gonna do about it?!.... Aaaanyway...for those of you who dont know, I got my nipples pierced for a christmas present from mike. Loves ya!

yea...give me things

Thu, 14 Dec 2006 18:35:53 GMT

Xmas Stocking

leave a gift for space_gerbil

get your stocking

Mon, 11 Dec 2006 21:40:10 GMT

So...I have a solution to paying off my tuition bill, but everytime I think I'm taking money into school the next day my dad isn't around to get it for me. I'm now stuck with a dilemma. I have to figure out a way to nicely ask dad to get the rest of my money out of his account and go get my own id because this isn't working anymore. I shouldn't have to wait around for a week for my own money. It's hurting my credit and I'm not cool with that. And apparently my dad hasn't payed rent in three months, so now we are in a predicament and I have no money for college.
Anyway, I guess I'm a little less stressed out.
Also, lately I've noticed that I changed without realizing it again. I feel...I don't know...I just feel different.
I also have a few new story ideas; which is a pretty big deal since I havent even thought about writing one in a while. I think it works out nicely though because I'm not going to be at school for spring so I can write in my spare time.
If you want to read my stories it's gonna be a while because I can't type stories(major writers block). I write better so I'm just going to write them in notebooks and transfer them to deviantart.

I guess that's all for now.

COLD

Fri, 08 Dec 2006 14:47:27 GMT

It's winter in new york.harrah...I really need to do my laundry because I'm wearing summer clothes when it's supposed to feel like ten below outsides...Dammit. Anyway..I have to go to student service building later...and yes im not using proper grammer...thats how i talk when im cold.:-D. Yeeea...sara had surgery yesterday. And i gotta go see her today. Hopefully i can figure out a way to do my laundry and help with the kids in the same day for sara but we'll see how it goes. bah-bye.

not so well anymore.

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 21:07:59 GMT

I figured out how to pay off my tuition bill...it's just kind of stinky because now I can't even registar for spring classes until it's paid off..now I have to use all of the money I have saved up(which could have been used as a deposit for an apartment)and use it to pay off tuition and figure out a payment plan. This is somewhat depressing. I can't really discribe the way I feel right now. I'm not disappointed or angry..I don't feel stupid or anything like that. I guess I just feel strange. It's strange that I have a whole semester completed of college and now I'm stuck at a stand still because I didnt fill out financial aid or get any loans. You can bet that next time around I'm taking care of that first thing. It sucks though..because if I'm not registared I'm never going to see mike. Well...I'll keep updating and letting you guys know how things are going. Love you.

I'm doing pretty well.a-thank-u

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 21:14:37 GMT

I don't really know what to write, but I felt like a journal entry was appropriate for some reason. Mike is the greatest guy. Every single time I think about him it makes me want to smile. I'm still having trouble convincing myself that I could be liked by someone like him but I suppose if he hasn't felt sick of me yet I at least have that going for me.
Life is strange. I know time hasn't stopped but I feel like I have. It's like time is just forging ahead and I'll never be able to catch up. Sometimes I feel like I need a break and I want to just cry and let out all my frustrations at once, but then I remember that I can't stop now because I want to make something of myself. I forget things far too often, but I'm trying to work on that.
I occasionally wonder if I really want to do things this way...it seems a bit late to be second guessing things but I'm the only one who knows my stress level. I really need to sit down and have a talk with my dad. It kind of sucks to think about though, because I know how proud everyone is of me for going to college. It's just really hard....I technically shouldnt even be allowed to registar for spring semester..as a matter of fact, that's why I haven't tried to because I don't want to find out that I can't.
I also have this unbearable urge to move out of my dad's house. I just want to be out on my own already. It might sound a little immature but I'm sick of rules and having to let everybody know where I am. I just want to....I don't know. It just seems like it would make things less complicated if I could just do things my way. (I can almost feel people wincing when they read that sentence)I want to be a writer so bad but I'm just so distracted. It's so hard to go to school, have a job, keep in touch with friends and deal with family problems all at the same time. It's not even so much family problems as it is me not knowing exactly how to be a good sister...I always wonder if I could be doing something differently.

I just really need to talk to my dad..or mike...or someone.*sigh* I just don't know sometimes.

Grumble, grumble and such.

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 21:44:22 GMT

I feel strange. I don't feel upset or sad or angry. I guess I just worry about Paish sometimes. I wish she didn't do things so spontaneously. It's mean to say but it's almost like she lacks all forms of common sense. She does these things I know she knows are wrong and then acts suprised and offended when she's confronted about it. I love her and I want her to be happy and live a stable life but I don't know how much longer I can tolerate living with her. It's just adding to my stress because I never know how I should act around her or what's going to offend her. I can never tell if she wants to hang out with me or if I'm annoying her.

Also, *sigh* I'm beginning to realize more and more that no matter how I try to deny it, I act like such a freaking girl sometimes. Always calling Mike all the time. I don't want to mess this up. I am still finding it hard to believe such a sweet smart kind-hearted guy like Mike wants to be with me....I know I've probably said this about CJ but I was just ..I don't know...I think I just tried to make myself believe he was right for me because he was my first.

Mike is different. I have liked him for such a long time....I just never could've imagined I'd have a chance with him. Ever. I think I would be crushed ...mentally crushed ..if he told me he didnt want to be with me. I swear sometimes I have such low self-esteem. I try to tell myself to stop it when I notice it but I just get so tired sometimes it's not worth the energy. I can't help calling him so much...it helps me remember that he does care and he wants me around.

and I have that stupid fear again that I annoy people...I try not to but It's so hard not to think I do....

Believe it or not I had a pretty good day today...I just needed to write about this so that if I start feeling any of this again I can look on here and maybe I'll have comments that'll help me feel better.

I guess that's all...I love you guys.You're great friends and I'll love u forever.

a girlfriend type of rant

Wed, 01 Nov 2006 21:57:57 GMT

Hello world. Well, friends anyway...which ...oh fuck it... you guys are totally my world. I don't really have much to say ...I just can't stop thinking about this so I need to write it down. The greatest feeling in the world is the one I had this morning. I absolutly adore Mike. I can't get enough of him. I've never ever ever been as happy as I am when I get to wake up in Mike's arms. I freaking love him. I really really do. When went to his friends halloween party and I had some tasty spiked punch and watched some scary halloween movies..and I was the ghost of a hooker. It was great. Now I just wish I could steal mike and lock him in a cage so I can cuddle him whenever I want. I guess I'll stop now. Sorry you had to read that.lol...

college and life

Thu, 26 Oct 2006 15:10:03 GMT

Just an update. I'm pretty sure there's one class that's pass and done that I failed. I guess we're into the new semester...I didnt realize it would just happen and noone would mention it. The only reason I even know is because the class I'm pretty sure I failed ended and it only lasted one semester. I do feel slightly better because I thought I was failing math too but I'm not. I really need to get it together. I keep trying to stay motivated and get things done but it's not lack of motivation that's the problem...it's lack of memory. I try to leave myself notes and things like that but it's not working...MY ARM FOR SOME GINSENG!!lol...Just kidding...I think I'm starting to come around so I'm not too worried. I just I'll suck it up and deal and admit that all those adults that told me you don't understand how different college is until you're there were right.

On a different note, things with Mike couldnt be better. I got out of the silly, pointless mood I was in last time I was talking about him. He is the sweetest guy in the world. Even if I sometimes don't see why he cares about me so much I'm going to try to not be negative and not let go of the fact that he does care about me, I don't bug him, and there's a rather large possibility that he cares about me as much as I care about him. I can't get enough of him.^_^

...I guess that's all for now....

oh...bumpkins

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 20:35:53 GMT

*sigh* Don't mind the title I was just saying that cause everytime I hear someone do it I smile...I'm trying to make myself smile.(I did it one time cause I'm a nerd.)

Aanyway,for some reason (Mike had nothing to do with it)I just feel incredibly unwanted...and I feel stupid for being so much myself around mike...like I'll scare him away...and I keep imagining all these looks he gives me as something I know they aren't....I feel like a fool in every sense of the word. I know mike cares about me yet I fear the worst with no good reason. I don't want to be socialable and now I have to because when I get on the bus later I have to either be socialable or have people ask me why I'm not...I'm hoping I can just listen to my cd player and blame my quiet on the gingivitus...(which I have..dammit.[which is also another reason I feel like a fool{because if I took better care of my teeth I wouldn't have this problem}])

I know I used alot of elipsies again but I just don't have the energy to fix it....I already went through and fixed other things...*sigh* I guess that's all for now

hello.

Tue, 03 Oct 2006 17:01:39 GMT

I posted a new poem on deviant art. It's short but sweet. I would appreciate comments on the poem(not what it's about necessarily but perhaps on how I worded it or delivered the message). Just some thoughts would be nice. No one ever seems interested in comment on my poetry.

Aaaanyway, I'll hopefully be taking heather to a strip club tomorrow for her 18th birthday. That should be interesting, and I'm hoping it'll be fun. I rarely get to buy my friends things let alone such interesting things as a lap dance so my hopes are high. I just need to go get my check cashed today and everything will be hunky dori.

I'm bored right now. And once again I'm in this weird contemplative state of mind. At least for a while now I've been able to think about myself. I don't think anyone truly realizes just how much time I spent taking care of everyone else instead of myself. It's great to have time to just relax and truly not worry about things. Now I just need to keep up with my school work and try not to spend ALL my time with Mike...*sigh* I guess that's all for now.

:-D

Wed, 20 Sep 2006 12:48:52 GMT

I...am so...!EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!

did that last entry mention freedom?

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 16:44:19 GMT

To say the least the day has been complicated. I feel like a jerk and on more than one occasion today ..I've felt not only like crying but also like screaming at the top of my lungs. The worst part is I want to explain things to Mike but I'm afraid to scare him away. *sigh* I guess this is where I grow up and tell him anyway...

Let's just hope it doesnt ruin the mood too much, I'd really like to get some nookie later. XD...yea..I said it...what of it?

Anyway the reason the day has sucked so much is that I went into the SA cafe with Mike knowing CJ hangs out there because he had given me the impression that he was done discussing our no longer existant relationship. I guess I was wrong because he came up and said I should have asked him more often if he loved me.

HA.

Anyone who knows how things were knows how often I asked and how little good it did. So yea, maybe everyone but CJ knew the whole story. That's what happens when you're neglected. I don't mean to sound bitter but I wish CJ would just drop it and let me be happy. I swear the boy finds the perfect ways to make me have an absolutly miserable day. Because of him I spent my chem test worrying about his feelings and Mike's thoughts instead of concentrating on my test.

I've now come to the conclusion that if I didn't fail the test miserably(lovely word...fits so well in so many places)then I got a grade horribly close to failing...in other words my highest expectations are to narrowly pass.

wish me luck...that's all I have going for me now.

ah..

Wed, 13 Sep 2006 18:47:12 GMT

To be free to simply do as I like. I quite enjoy this whole college thing. Even if it does make it far too simple to slack off. It is really my choice. So much more my choice than ever it was in highschool. Although I feel slighty silly when I think so early on that I may fail the one class that requires basically no skill..Academic planning...simply because one of the books we have to read for it bores me. I also feel a little silly after having written out the as signments I had yesterday only to lose the paper telling me what to do for today...as a matter of fact I've felt pretty silly most of the day. Wow..I don't think anyone realizes the extent to which I used to spend my time worrying about a boyfriend. It really does feel good to think about myself and noone else for once. *sigh* As for a short summary of my life lately...it's still hectic yet I'm left with a feeling of contentment.:-)

Things and stuff

Tue, 12 Sep 2006 16:54:06 GMT

Alrighty..so I signed on to read through everybody's journals and then make my own...but sadly I got a headache about half way through so I'm gonna have to just write this and catch up on news later.

It's pretty annoying to try to be productive and get sick all the time. I suppose it's my own fault for not going to the doctor but honestly they get nothing accomplished besides taking massive amounts of my blood that I'm never gonna get back. School is pretty fun still...I have a feeling that I'm not gonna get sick of it.. then again I also have a feeling that my dad is gonna take a really long time to fill out my fafsa form.

Aaanyway...Angela and Triv and Paish already got an earfull of it but since this is my journal this is where I'm going to compare CJ and Mike. Let's see, where to start? CJ found it a hassle to come and see me,let's give him only a small amount of bad boyfriend points for that ecause he did live all the way in Kirkwood. Mike spent two weeks at my house seeing me at school and taking me home and spent one day away and told me he missed me when we talked on the phone. CJ always wanted gas money...Mike drove me to and from school for two weeks and didnt want money even when i offered it. Around CJ I always craved attention that I not only never got but was pushed away when I tried to make the move to get some attention. Mike always wants to hold my hand and smiles when I hug and kiss him.

I suppose none of this really matters all that much to you guys but I just want to compare them because it has to be done in the end. CJ was my first so I can't just forget him or act like he doesnt matter. Then again if I could I wouldnt want to because I was in love with him at one point, no matter how long ago hat was. And to tell the truth I love Mike. I really do. He's the sweetest guy. I love that he's got a sense of humor like mine and I especially love when he calls me a filthy hippie.^_^. I guess I'm done for now because my eyes are really starting to hurt and this stupid headache just doesnt want me to get anything accomplished.

smiles and sunshine

Fri, 01 Sep 2006 16:44:15 GMT

I'm once again just updating on how things have been. In case everyone on the face of the earth didn't know it yet, I'm dating Mike. Yes burnout Mike...yes rachel dated him...no it isnt weird. Anyway...He's got to be the sweetest guy...ever. I'm serious. I think he's so awesome. I feel so special that he wants to be with me...moving on, college is tiring but worth every minute. My job is a pain in the ass but hey, it's a job(in case some of you weren't aware i work at Dunkin Donuts on weekends). CJ and me are friends(hurray!!!)and now like...my entire class and then some is going here...jordon is here..CJ..mike....just like...everyone(and not angela's jordon...a different one...trivy knows who i mean)Well, this is probably going to be incredibly confusing and hard to read but oh well. I wrote this really neat thing the other day that popped into my head and when i get a chance i'm probably going to post it on here...although i like it so much im almost afraid that someone would actually want to steal it...who knows..maybe when i read it again i wont like it anymore...at any rate...I need to get ready to go to class.....and then I shall probably not post that thingy till tuesday but we shall see..tata for now

alright...

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 00:15:17 GMT

I was going to spend some time changing things around and making my journal all nifty and pretty but I just don't have the patience...I'll do it some other time...Why I felt the need to make this a journal entry is completly beyond me.

OH MY GOD

Fri, 25 Aug 2006 16:03:17 GMT

I'm actually going to college...I don't know for sure how I'm getting there yet...but OH MY GOD....I can't barely comprehend that I'm registered for college...And things are so...*sighs*. God I don't even know what to say....I'm just happy with the way things are going for me...I really am. I'm just so happy. All I have to do is check on that bus my dad told me about and I'll be good to go. Finally things are good and I'm not worried for once. I worry too much anyway...I'm gonna work on that. Also, completely unrelated but my dad let me borrow his grateful dead tape -skeletons from the closet, and I can't stop listening to it...expecially not sugar magnolia. That song just makes me want to dance and dance and listen to it over and over again.

look at zee cartoon me

Fri, 11 Aug 2006 00:05:47 GMT

Invalid video URL.

Just some thoughts

Mon, 24 Jul 2006 17:49:57 GMT

I don't really feel like getting into it, but I feel the need to at least express how hurt confused and guilty I feel all at once. Believe it or not nothing dramatic has actually happened besides conversations...I just don't know why I put myself through these things...

things.

Fri, 14 Jul 2006 00:18:53 GMT

So I've been at Rachel's house for about a week. It's crazy, but I miss my house...it's even strange not having my horrid neighbors around. I guess while I've been gone dad's discovered just how annoying our new ones are. Mainly I just miss my dad. I've been thinking alot while I was here though...and I've really needed that. I had this half break down half argument with CJ. I love that boy so much it's almost crippling sometimes. I am glad that soon I'll be growing up, but at the same time it's really hard to make the right choices and besides that it's hard to make choices at all. I hear all these things about everyone moving out of their houses and in with boyfriends or girlfriends...and it makes me think such selfish things. I know that I need to let CJ do what he needs to do...but I swear to god I'm addicted to him. I've decided that since I may have waited too long to take my entrance exams at BCC that I'm going to start looking for a job so I can pay for the parts that the Isuzu Amigo my dad wants to give me needs. And as soon as my dad can pay me back the money I lent him I'm going to try to get my license. I've heard many different prices for everything(I need to get a NYS permit before I can get a NYS license)but the highest has been 100 so I hope that's all because that's all I'm going to have. Well, there isn't really much else to say...so I guess I'll go.